My Journey of Life

IT definately hasnt been a smooth week ever since no idea when.

But i only realised how stupid i was and have been last friday when raine talked to me.

Well, looks like the leaders have been talking behind my back bout me.

But i wouldnt say its back-stabbing.

They care about me. (and im not being sarcastic)

Well, it all started with me not being a good SP. well, i havent had any experience so to speak since i only officially, started having sbs this year. And i know, this is no excuse for not being responsible. I know the point that has been prettily brought across by my leaders- I have not been a good and responsible SP.

Adult leaders are talking to me one, after another. Im gonna bear with it. What else can i do? Im aware of it, im aware of where ive gone wrong, and i have to face it. That would be what a true leader would do. I have been irresponsible. I have been taking my leadership roles for granted. I have not lived up to expectations.

Oh my God.

I cant believe i just said that.

I have not lived up to expectations.

Oh God..

And to think all i ever wanted to do, was to live up to expectations, and ive not done so. I set extremely high expectations for myself. You dont know it, but there’s this perfectionist inside this girl here.

Its definately not a good thing, but i cant help it. Besides, it does help to bring the best out of me, right?

But anyway, Im gonna change. Im gonna be the best thrower, the best i can be for studies, the best i can do for vocals, and the best SP i can be. im being defiant to my body, cos im gonna force myself to be the best. And only the best. =)

And hopefully, i wont die out. Cos, i cant. Not now, not ever. Im strong, and i always will be. God said it’de be a year of growth. N yes, im already stretching myself. =)

This is gonna be short and sweet cos i really gotta run go to sleep cos ive got discus competition tmr! Ahh!!!:

My day’s outstanding events:

-I got 3rd in shot putt
-Disappointed cos i kept the lead until the last throw where joycelyn and juthamat overtook by 50cm
-But shld be able to get into walaa, which is good of course.
-Went for lunch with lychee,juthamat,pamala,joycelyn,crystal and ms toh @ gombak
-Went back to stadium with stnicks gals to stick around see if can support anyone
-Gave up cos i was tired and i didnt bring anything to do @ stadium and its just a waste of time
-Came home, was tired, bathed, used com, tried to find articles for geog hmwk
-Went to church
-Service wasnt too bad. didnt appeal to my current situation but i felt God’s presence which is GREAT! =)
-Many ppl were touched, and a reason i cried was cos of my friends, i felt the pain they were going through. needa refect more on that though. haha. tmr perhaps.
-Hung out with adriel, definately becoming greater friends with samuel, i think we can get along really well. haha
-Fuel was fun
-Lcell was crazy, but fun
-Gonna have a lcell dinner on friday which is FANTASTIC!
-Talked to raine for awhile after fuel
-Came home
-and a whole lot other of irrelevant stuff. haha
-Tmr’s gonna be a long day
-Ive got r&d, chinese test and geog hmwk to complete.
-doubt i have time
-Determined to do my best tmr. Want to try get into walaa with discus too.
-disappointed, But i Thank God i can do so well still. =)

Thank you Jesus. =)
Definately making more friends in church ya. haha

Well, well, well
Ive been blogging havent i? haha

Its just 2 more days to competition. Thursday, Friday, SATURDAY!!!!
The pressure is already getting into my head man. I dont freak out, and i didnt freak out. Haha. I can hardly wait to compete actually! I feel that surge from withing just waiting to burst out. Whee! Haha. nowadays, im more serious when i throw. I feel the fighting spirit rising. Plus observing the ppl around me, Ive learnt how to fight. To believe in myself no matter what happens. The power of believing is, amazing. Thats for sure.

Just like the other time. I didnt believe in myself when i was going to throw discus with laychi and nat. And after a few throws, i told myself “Girl, This aint working. you gotta believe that you can do what you’ve never before and you are capable of doing it!” and i sang the song ‘Miracles’ from Prince of Egypt in my head. And i felt alot better, and guess what? I did it. I totally crossed the mark Lay Chi set for me, and not just once, or twice, but Quite a number of times! HAHA! Praise the Lord i tell you!

Ever since i got to know Lychee better, she’s been very, no wait, EXTREMELY exncouraging. =) no, im not being sarcastic. Haha. The reason to my new found passion in throwing was actually by her. she was the one that finally told me what was wrong with my attitude and my passion. and after hearing her share her experiences, i was extremely encouraged. For some reason, i picked myself up. I was falling apart then, but im pulling myself tgt. This, i have not toldl Hao yi. haha. I dunno. I think its wierd to have a sudden change of attitude towards my training. This, he has actually realised and asked me about it, but i was hesitant in replying.

Well, today Lay Chi did something real sweet. For the first time before a competition, someone made a card to encourage me. She passed to me a card(sort of). Though it was simple, but in its simplicity came something more valuable than gold. lol. it was a note of encouragement. There was a lovely drawing of a girl throwing a shot putt, and below it wrote these words:

Ham,
        All the Best for you coming event!!
        Must Jia You Okay!!
        YOU CAN DO IT!!
*People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going.

For the first time, or maybe second, has anyone other than my family members believed in me so much. Lay Chi believed in me more than i believed in myself. After reading her note, i told myself, that if i were to go to compete, I want to win not just for myself, but for her and everyone else who believes in me.

And to those who believe in me, Thank You. And if i win, i dedicate my win to you. Thank you for your unconditional and endless believe in me. These is probably the reason i can carry my head up high. Cos now, I believe in myself too. =)

Timeless.
Thats how God’s love is huh…

Haha.

Well, I’de say it was a really annointed event. Cos though i sat through it twice, and listened to the same message twice, I still cried. lol. Well, God is moving. Thats for sure. =)

Firstly, I went on Friday night 7.30 with my follow-up case, Dawn, my new friend. haha. Well, it was nice to get to know her, and i invited her for IGNYTE service, which is THE MOST HAPPENING PLACE TO BE ON A SATURDAY EVENING! And that, I totally agree. =) haha.

Then i went again on Sat. for 7.30 where i was supposed to serve SP duty. But Bro Andy wanted to meet me and Grace to chit-chat. So, i met him at 2 to chat about my life. I shared with him some of the problems and stress i was facing and he gave me some advice. And then i told him about my musical thingy and that i thought i had a knack for acting since w/o any drama background, i cld clinch a few of the main roles in the musical. ANd then he asked if i wanted to act for him for his sermon on next sat being some kind of an emo freak. dunno la. Emo freak? hmm… Haha. I can consider.

Then we talked about leadership and stuff and he insisted on putting me up in a comittee. lol. Okay.. I dont mind actually, but i think its a little Thick skin la. Haha. But, i dunno. I still have alot of things on my mind which i have not said a word about. Though they are at the back of my head, I still have to face them someday right? well, Its gonna be soon. haha. Well, he went off for pastor’s meeting and came back at 3. Then he talked to me and grace. More about grace though. good for her… im glad she dared to open up, and i’m proud of her. =) No worries Grace, you know you can count on me. =) Well, then he had to go off for the 4pm timeless show.

So, off we went to look for food. Grace had no money, so i was the bank of the day. Haha. We went to the Coffee Bean place to have venezia ice cream. But before that, we went to Cold Storage to get some buns for dinner. I got chocolate and hazelnut pastry and a honey-glazed chicken steak while she got chocolate donut and some ham. Then i payed for the food, and we ate and walked around Cold Storage. MAN! Cold Storage is the.. no.. THA place to get all my baking stuff! MAN! That place is BAKING HAVEN! Haha! ready made cookie dough, variety of bread mix, bronie mix, cake mix, baking chocolate, baking utensils etc.. I was glued to that area man! And i so wanted to buy everything! but obviously, i cant. Haha.

Ah well, After eating everything, we went to venezia, and had 5 scoops of ice cream. Shared, of course. lol. Venezia ice cream is not bad! Really. haha. Then, it was about 5. So early! So , we decided to pop by Bukit Timah Plaza to waste time. We went to some ulu cd shop that had really cheap cds. I found the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack! but after thinkng about it, i thought ide better watch the actual musical and see which one had better singes before buying the cd. Haha. I LOVE THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!! N IM GONNA GO WATCH THE MUSICAL! HURRAY!!! hahaha.

Then we popped by Poh Kim, the sports shop and popular, and then Off to church we went.

Signed in, went to the auditorium, and I SAT WITH MY GOOD FRIENDS!!! Awe.. its not easy to finally be surrounded by your pals yer know.. haha. Amy, Grace, me, Jeremy Law, Adriel, Samuel, Ryan, Hillary. This was the sitting arrangement! HAha. Then as usual, the silly jokes and teasing among me, adriel and lawlaw. Haahaa. And there was this girl who thought Adriel was a first time visitor!!! SO FUNNY LA! Then during alter call, cos got so many SPs we werent needed anymore at the altar, we were supposed to go salting. but Also, due to the fact that there was so many Sps, everyone was busy salting away. haah. Then for the fun of it, I went to Adriel and said “Hi! Do you want to receive christ as your personal Lord and saviour?” hahaha Obviously, be started bickering again. haha

Just as we were gonna go off to sign out, Chloe went to adriel and this was the conversation:
Chloe: Hey! You know the question you asked me? Its 3 months from today.
Adriel: Exacly 3 months?
Chloe: Ya. today 7 April right? Ya. so, 3 months..

And Adriel gave me a funny look. I didnt understand at first, and suddenly it dawned upon me. CHLOE TOLD ADRIEL MY BIRTHDAY!!!!! NO!!!! NO!!! NO!!! I WAS TRYING TO KEEP IT FROM HIM!!! AHH!!!!! Then i was like “NO!!! nO!!! NO!!! YOU BETRAYED ME!!!!!” And being my usual Loud self, I started Scolding Jeremy and Adriel for no reason. Hahaha. Stupid Adriel. Stupid Stupid Adriel. Stupid stupid Stupid Adriel. Hmph. Hahaha. Then he sent me this sms saying “Hahahahahha”. But having no more smses, i didnt reply. Then when i went to the lobby to look for mummy, I saw him again. Then I started pushing him around and he pushed back and all the nonsense. Then i said i’ll call him tonight and scold him properly. Then he say “set!” hahaha

Oh well. I got home, watched “A Cinderella Story” with my family. And then Adriel ask me chat on sms. But i no more sms. Then i never reply. Then he send another sms ”Want chat anot?” Then i say. “No sms la…” Then he send message “call me in one minute”. But i thought i shld ask mom and dad if i cld use the phone so late. dad said it was ok. so i called him. but that stupid robot didnt pick up my call. lol! Must have slept already la. oh well. There’s always tmr.

haha. Well, ive got homework to do tmr. and church to attend. so, Ciao!
Oh, There’s a cheescake in the fridge waiting for me. hahaha.

I was intending on writing an emo post, but my com concked out, and i talked alot of nonsense with Adriel over the phone, so, my mood’s up! hahaha.

Yeah. Though the weeks been tough, stressful and pretty full of emotions, well, Im gonna talk to Bro Andy for a whole lot of advice cos i dont think i can handle it on my own. So, no worries. haha. at least, for now.

Although some unpleasant events occured this week, there was quite a number of really cool stuff that happened! haha:

1) Cycling for 1 and a half hours nonstop!
     Yep! haha I went to practice for Cross country’s bike race that i was in. So, i went cycling with Ryan. We cycled around the canal, and then all the way to School and all the way bakc to his house. Well, Im proud to say that I COMPLETED IT! hahaha. But i had a series of bad butt cramps after that cos i took the bike with a worser seat and i realised that Ryan’s bike had a WAY better seat! haha. But oh well.. His mom and maid cooked Hamand cheese omlet for me before i left for cycling,and then Spagetti after the cycling. Haha. I never knew Ketchup was that nice esp wtih cheese omlet! haha.

2) NAPHA 2.4km run
     Due to the ‘marathon’ the day before, I had bad butt cramps and pain the whole day! Plus tiredness due to both physical actuvity and late night sleep cos of unfinished homework and Amath test studying. Well, I prayed hard that PE wont be 2.4, but you know, things you dont want to happen always happens. And vwala! 2.4km run. But, i still ran anyway. I kept praying for strength and stamina, and i kept reminding myself to do as lay chi said, which was to run consistently at the pace she taught me to run, and i did it. I ran most of the 2.4km, and I COMPLETED THE RUN!!! Not only finishing it, but getting a position of 13 in class, 1st girl to complete, and, getting between 13.45 to 14.30. not sure whats the real timing. but i’ll let you know. But no matter what it is, I GOT AN A FOR 2.4!!! FIRST TIME EVER!!! A! A! A! STRAIGHT As FOR NAPHA!!! HAHAHAHA. Thank you Jesus! Im definately becoming fitter. muahahaha

3)CROSS-COUNTRY!!!!
    yay! I didnt run. Haha. Knowing that if i dont cycle i sure need to run. So, of course i’ll take cycling la! haah. Anyways. The real thing came. And guess what, though i was kinda nervous after hearing Alastair and ZiJie talking big, and saying that they’re gonna win everybody and everything, 3E STILL OWNS! Hahaha. Guess what? WE WON 1ST PRIZE!!!! HAAHAA!!! YAY! AWESOME! WE BEAT 3D!!! MUAHAHHAA. Well, NIgel was our 1st man, and boy, HE’S THE MAN! He was way, Way, WAy, WAY infront of everybody! And then Jums kept up the Lead, and then I kept up the lead until i crashed into a tree at the end. yes, thats right, I CRASHED INTO A TREE. haha. I didnt slow down in time to make a proper swerve at the sharp turn at the exchange point and i went straight into a tree! And ive got a scar on my face, and a scar and few scratches and a bruise on my left arm. Haha. Ah well. After i crashed into the tree, I got onto the bike again, and i realised the chain had broke! So, i jumped off and ran up the slope with the bike to Tong Jit and then shouted at him to change bike! Well, We lost a slight position to 3F, Russel Ng last biker, but Tong Jit was amazing, and he caught up BIG TIME! MAN! Everyone, (including alastair tan) was way, way, way, WAY behind Tong Jit! haha! which was WAY COOL! haha. Well, after i got to the finishing line, I asked if we got 1st, and when i realised it was true, I started jumping around and screaming in delight! haha. Well, then Jums noticed the blood on my face. then i explained to my classmates that i crashed into a tree and they all laughed at me. Man! Laugh la! so bad. then Jums n Joseph kept making fun of me. lol. Cant stand them la. Forever liddat one. Haha. What to do? Compatible couple wat. hAhaha. Ah well. Anyways, to cut the long story short, My class received the trophy from Ms Lim! The trophy was gold, and had a cyclist on it. Ooolala. Haha. and alastair was made to do pumping cos he wore some outside jersey when he went to receive the prize frm ms Lim. HAha. What a sight! lol. BUt it was great anyways! =) I love my class. aha

4) Class Gathering at Sentosa!
     Though it wasnt the whole class, we had loads of fun! I wore my Red Team Singapore Jersey i got from WALAA so i cld tan the fair skin to darker tone so it wouldnt be that unsightly when i wore my jersey  to competition. But the Sun wasnt out, so i didnt get much of a tan anyway. Haha. We played Monkey and Volleyball in and out of the water, burried Tong Jit and mainly just played alot lor. Well, I wanted to honour God by going for the Maundy Thursday service. Though i was extremely tempted to stay behind and play rather than go church, I decided that God comes first la. So, I went to church. It was a good sermon, and Ppl got healed! Hallelujah! And a contempory story of Jonah. Haha. P.Dom and Tirza. Interesting. After church, Jums told me that Joel Soon got bitten or stepped on some fish or something and had a bad swollen foot, and got sent to the Hospital. Thank God he’s ok now though. haha.

Well, Thats about it for now? haha. cya
btw, this is supposed to be a thursday post. haha