My Journey of Life

The sweetest song Ive ever sung was not today, nor yesterday, nor the day before.
But it was on Christmas eve.

               On the evening of christmas eve, My family and I, together with a group of friends, went down to visit my dad’s friend who had cancer. WE wanted to bless him by singing a group of carols. And its really amazing how things worked out. It was so evident that the Lord really loves him.

                This particular person is Uncle Jimmy. Everyone calls him my dad’s armour bearer because he has been like the armour bearer for my father. Always supporting him in everyway he can. And he has led a great and victorious life for the Lord, and the Lord has used this little event to bless uncle Jimmy. This is what happened:

                 My dad wanted to do something to bless uncle Jimmy. So he got together a few old and close friends to get together to help do this for uncle Jimmy. From a group of about 10, a group of about 30 people went to bless him.

                 My dad needed christmas carol lyrics for everyone so that we may all be able to bless him with this event. But he had juts returned the carol sheets used in Island Wide Christmas party back to church and hence, had none left for us to use. This got him worried for quite some time. But yet, i saw the faith my father had that God would provide. Up till the day before the event, my dad still couldnt find any source of lyrics for us to use. Just as we were about to find from the internet and print it out, my dad found a whole set of about 70 carol sheets lying at a corner of the room, recently dug out whilst clearing his room. He took it, and there it was- Our source of lyrics.

                  The lyrics had been brought all the way back from Canada. And it had been kept away till he took it out recently, w/o the plans of singing carols for Uncle Jimmy. It was amazing how God had prevented my dad from throwing away the lyrics. but keeping and preserving it and even causing my dad to take them out just when they were needed. Indeed, God was using these little ways to provide the blessing for uncle jimmy.

                    To cut the story short, my mum was able to find someone to sponsor food for refreshments for the ppl going. It was quite amazing. My dad had also been spending some time to look for ppl to play music for us to sing to. I did offer, but my dad wasnt quite satisfied that i could only play in G. Then, someone offered her son to go, and her son brought someone from CM to come play for us. And on that day itself, we had not 1, but 2 professionals playing for us. God provided once again.

                   So we went on that fateful christmas eve to uncle jimmy’s house. My dad had asked me to do a solo of silent night during the event. I agreed. And after about only 2 rounds of practice at the void deck, we went to his place to bless him.

                   As we started to sing the carols, i sensed a great presence of God in that place. In fact, i felt that it wasnt just us that were singing the carols, but a whole chorus of angels were there to sing along. I couldnt see them physically obviously, but i could somehow sense and know that they were there. I could hear them sing for suddenly, the music and the chorals were so majestic, so powerful, so amazing.

                   Just before it came to my turn, i took the opportunity to clear my throat and talk to God. For once in my life, i cried out to God to use my voice to bless uncle Jimmy and Aunty Margaret. I seeked not my own recognition nor my fame. But i wholeheartedly wanted the best to bless the couple. I wanted the best i could give so that they would be blessed. And when i realised that, i realised that i had broken free of the pride i once held. I no longer became about me. It became about them. It became about doing the best for someone else. It became me asking God to bless me so i could bless someone else. I was prepared.

                   So i stepped out and did my best. My voice was the best i could have ever given and my instincts guided the way. In fact, it became easier to sing the entire song. It wasnt as rough as it had been just before. I know that they were blessed by that simple offering i gave. It was the sweetest song ive ever sung. I consider it the sweetest as God had used my voice to minister and to bless. And that is enough. Thats what happens when i give my talents to God and let him use it in his own way. He uses it to bless others. He uses it to bless me.

The sweetest song I’ll sing is when i leave my voice in total surrender for the use of God. And God makes it beautiful when he uses it for his glory.

Just a mental note down of my New Year Resolutions:

-KEEP MY ROOM CLEAN AND TIDY
-Stay focused on the things of God and the things that belong to God.
-Rise up in the ministry
-Become a cell leader
-Find the ministry God is truely calling me to
-Find my purpose in VJ
-Work on fufilling that purpose in VJ
-Spend time discipling my Sbs
-Bring 5 ppl to church from my school
-Break NATIONALS and ASEAN shot putt records
-Hit 13.5m by this year
-Be a God-led person
-Continue to grow in great and unexpected ways in the Lord
-Get a nice figure.

Courage is not in the absence of fear.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!
Its 2009.
I still cant quite believe im actually graduating from the best years of my life so far.

I cried during the transition of the new year at watch night.
AS we counted down, the truth suddenly dawned on me and i realised-
2009’s on the way.

I was about to say goodbye to the best school i’ve ever been to, my life, my achievements, my friends, my world. The world i have been believeing in was truely… falling away.

I savoured the last one minute of 2008. I held carolyn’s hand cos i needed some moral support. I just couldnt handle it on my own. The moment it reached 00… I started to cry. I just couldnt find a better way of handling myself. I was afraid of what was to come. I knew God had a really great purporse for me… BUt i still felt scared. I still couldnt let go of my past.

No doubt it will take some time for me to finally get over it… BUt it’ll be hard cos im so so so attached to Fairfield. Not even gonna be able to see it everyday makes it all the more worse. Not being with any comfortable friends in the new school makes it even harder for me. But at least i know that if ever i miss my friends too much, I’ll never be too far away… Cos right outside VJ, there’s a straight bus to FMSS, ACJC, and UWC. And that, is comforting.

But still, as i cried at my loss… I felt the quiet voice of the spirit say “Be strong and Courageous. For the Lord your God is with you.” And i claimed and remembered the things the Lord has been speaking to me about. To Be Strong and Courageous. For the Lord is going to deliver me, and give the land to me.

I only need to be Strong and Courageous in the Lord.

Courage is not in the absence of Fear.

I may be fearful and apprehensive of what the future may hold.
But still, i choose to trust in God.
For all my life he has delivered me in the most unexpected hour.
And this will be no exception.
God will deliver me and bring me through with Glory.
Amen?

Hey all.
Sorry for not updating for so long.
TOO many things have been happening and i have been having absolutely no time to update you on everything. So sorry about that.

I would be updating sometime soon. Mabe by the 1st week of the new year cos i really wanna end it off by sharing the things God has spoken to me and also, the reveiw of my life in FMSS. Which would take quite some time.

Another thing is, i will be changing my blog in 2009.
New season, new blog.

Since my world is changing 180, lets go all the way.

Im really tired now so i’ll catch up with you later.

Nights ppl.

SP empowerment was powerful today.

I FINALLY MET MY AGL!

Anyway.

God touched me in an amazingly powerful way.
I already feel so charged up for the next season…
lol. No need to go for camp already.

But no. I must not remain satisfied.
I must hunger for more.
If I limit myself to what God can do, thats all it’ll ever be.
But if i tell God, i want more.
Show me more, God.
Do what you want.

Then God has space to do so much more.

And This is my cry today Lord.
A Hunger for you, for your word, for your purposes.
Surprise me Lord, for the future of my destiny.
Surprise me Lord, in a way like never before.

God, i desire to know you more tangibly.
Its time for us to move to the next level, Lord.

Through Andre’s prayer during Altar Call, God touched my heart and warmed it up from the cold it had been for some time. God renewed my spirit, mended my broken heart, mended my broken spirit and revived me from my slumber. God affirmed the different things i’ve been feeling and sensing for the next season and spoke different prophecies and annointings into my life through andre’s prayer. It was sensational.

And i Thank God for it.

But i want more.
God, i want more.
God im not satisfied.
Give me a greater Hunger
A graeter desperation.

Before, i thought it was a destiny too great for one woman.
But with you as my guide and support, nothing is too great.

God,
I know you’ll come in this camp.
Let Chains be broken,
Lives be healed.
And Eyes to be opened
While Christ is revealed.

Lord, i cant wait for you to unveil yourself during this camp.
Let your Glory fall
Let fire fall down

Ah well. Today i had SP Outing at Pulau Ubin!
Im rteally tired so i’ll keep this short

In the morn, i had trainign. Which drained half my strength.
When Haoyi made me do the jumping with weights, i knew something was gonna happen to me at Pulau Ubin Cycling. And indeed, something did. Haha.

Anyway. Haoyi let me off early.
BUt i still reached Changi late.
VERY late. Haha.
Everyone was like really nice about it.
Kudos to Haruki and Adriel who kept chasing me and telling me where to go. Haha.

Ah well.

WE left for the island and reached there a while later. The scenery is just AWESOME man!
When we reached, Bro Andy put me in a group with 5 ppl.
Eugene Teo, Nathan, Javian, Charissa, Amanda.
And their name was- Cheh!
HAHA!
I couldnt believe it.
Then we had to think of a cheer and so far, they didnt come up with any thing yet.
So i thought for awhile and came up with a really good cheer:

Ignytors come to Ubin
Speak no Singlish
No LA
No LOR
We CHEH! all the way!

HAahhahaha! Quite good right!
lol.
Anyway. After that, we went to get our bikes and then had a short breifing of the SOE of the day. Then we playeed captain’s ball!
Captain’s ball is like my favourite ball game la! And my group totally trashed the other team like 9 nil or sometihhg. Haha. BRo Andy stepped in and made several rules in our opponent’s favour like includng kinnon and chet win and that only girls from my group could score. LOL. It was pretty bad, but we did pretty good.

AFter that, we set off for the adventure. HAH.
At the first KILLER (MAJOR KILLER MIND YOU) slope, i died.
HEHE.
like my thighs couldnt take it cos of the training beforehand and it was really bad.
But my group was really nice and they waited for me.
I felt so bad.

Eugene brought us around and we ended up reaching the starting point instead of reaching our hut. lol.
So we had to go back the same way, UP THE KILLER SLOPE. oh man.
I m so glad I made it anyway.

Anyway.
Just an overview.
I died a few times and nearly fainted a few times.
Should have eaten more before leaving gombak mrt. lol.
I wanna kill my coach for making me do that thigh excercise.
My cycling usually isnt that bad. lol.

But anyway. My group was really really really nice and caring and i felt very touched. Like ic aused them alot alot of trouble like doing ALOT of jumping jacks and needing them to wait up for me. BUt i was really touched that instead of taking it negatively, they encouraged and supported me all the way. Eugene swapped bikes with me, and indeed, his bike was so so so SO much better than mine. lol. Ah well.

But i lerarnt alot from that cycling trip. I felt that God did that on purpose. I felt like the weakest link when im usually the strongest. I felt so humbled and like my pride had  been broken, but it was neccassary. My fighting spirit came out. I tried my best but yet, i was still so weak. It kinda hurt me. But i realised that God was teaching me a lesson. He was teaching me from Eugene’s example, of how to be at the front as a leader, but yet at the back as a supporter. Like Eugene was, which im really very touched at.

I realised God wanted me to go through this humiliation before camp so that i too will care and support my weak from the group. That instead of wanting to charge all the way, i should stop when someone has fallen and pick up the person and continue. This is what i should be doing as a leader. And its a very good and important lesson.

I bet God’s gonna put me to the test at camp. lol

But anyway.

Pgary’s message was also really realy really good.
Like, what i need now.
I cant remember much now cos my brain’s blanking out.
BUt it made so much sense to me.

Like What goes up comes down. And at times when God puts us on the hill to climb, the climb is tough, but after that God will want you to enjoy. God isnt a saddist God. God wants to give us the best of what we ask for! Why settle for the least when you can be given the best? Right?

Ah well.
Ok. Im tired.

Im still wanting to meet my AGL.
Im still looking for my AGL.
LOL.

Weather: Winter.
Highest-10degrees.
Lowest- -10 degrees.
HA! What exteremes.

Day 1:
-AWESOME SIA FLIGHT!
        -Movies watched: Get Smart, The Sisterhood of the travelling pants 2, a little Dark Knight, Half of Mamamia
-Reached China at night
-LOVED the weather!
-Reached hotel. -NICE!
-SLEEP

Day 2:
-Met Kuku’s partner, Gary, who showed us where to go and helped us planned literally our whole trip. HE HAS AN IPHONE! I had to restrain myself from touching it. Hehe.
-Went for lunch w Gary. His treat. We had peking/roast duck in a reastaurant called duck king. NICE! WE ate 2 ducks. Haha. Its super nice!
-Went to Silk street. SHOPPING!

DAy 3:
-Went to the Forbidden City
-Went to Tian an men square
-Went to Pearl factory
-Went to Summer Palace
-Were dropped off at snack street
-Ate SCORPION!

Day 4:
-Went to the drum tower
-Climbed 69 steps to the top
-Fittest, of course.
-Live drum performance was awesome!
-Went to a silk factory
-Went for lunch at a sichuan restaurant
-Went to a teahouse for tea appreciation
-REALLY AMUSING! and great tea too!
-both families shared a big box of pu-er.
-Cost 4000rmb. BUt with alot of free gifts la
-Went to the Water cube + Bird nest!
-AMAZING! but not as great as i anticipated.
-I FOUND THE SHOT PUTT PIT!
- Too bad they covered up the whole track. I really wanted to throw in the pit and ran on the track.
-Dinner at KFC!
- Lao Shi Teahouse for a great varieties of impressive talent shows.
-Had an ugly picture of me drawn by burning paper
-HOTEL

Day 5:
-Free and easy day.
-Went to play squash in the morn.
-Im really bad at squash. lol
-Trashed my cousin at basketball
-went back up
-Went for lucnh
-Went back to silk street! MORE SHOPPING!
-Met Gary for dinner.
-Had to walk in FREEZING cold. The worse ive ever experience. I felt my ears where gonna fall off and i couldnt change facial expressions. my legs felt like it was on freezing fire. Horrible. Had to endure it for super long.
-FINALLY found the hotel.
-All lamb steamboat buffet.
-Interesting and wierd.
-HOTEL.

Day 6:
-Off to SKi resort.
-Left stuff in hotel and went for lunch
-2332rmb lunch with a 1700rmb fish.
-We got cheated.
-WEnt to the great wall only to find it closed.
-Tried to at least reach the entrance but the cold was too biting i couldnt go beyond 200m to the wall.
-Went back to teh ski resort only to find no dinner and poor hospitality.
-Was so turned off we wanted to leave straight away.
-They forced us to pay for the use of the rooms we barely used for 30mins.
-Mum negotiated.
-Finally ended up paying for 1 room. Half day.
-So gay. So turned off. I’de raher wait for another holiday to go to a good ski resort with real snow. So we’re going New Zealand next trip.
-Went back to our old hotel.
-HOME. hahaha

Day 7:
-Went to some electronics place.
-Waste of time. Haha.

Day 8:
-Home sweet home.

HELLO!
Im back. Yes. lol.
I came back on Sunday but have been so up to my neck i never got to blog.
Ive got so much to update on!
China trip, continue on Class Chalet, Eunice B’day, things ive been feeling and thinking about…

But lets just talk about today.

Today,
Training was horrid.
My back hurts alot more and i couldt throw nor do some of my excercises properly.
Its horrible!

Went for lunch w Haoyi and Joanne.
Then went off to PL for my vday audition.
I reached like 1 and a half hours earlier than my audition.
I went to Hans and met Maddie there! haha.
Joined her and listened to her conversations with her PL folks. Haha. Quite an interesting bunch.

After awhile, i re-prepared my script and song and because i had excess time, i read my book.
So, closer to the audition time, i went to the holding room but was still super early. Haha.
I was nervous initially but told myself there’s no need to be since its about serving God. So no matter what role i get or may not get, its really in God’s hands. As long as i get to serve him, i m content.
So i got over it and sat and stoned for about half an hour. I figured staring at the script did more harm than good. So i gave up looking at it. I did have all my lines down and i wanted to relax, go in with a clear mind and just have fun.

So. I really did go in with a clear mind. A mind so clear my mind went blank. Haha. It took me awhile to get into character and do what im supposed to do. I stumbled over my lines pretty bad, but i guess the emotion i was aiming for came through. So for that, i think it went pretty well. Haha. well. Just need a little practice and i would be A OK. But ah well. Told ya im rusty. lol. its been 2 years, okay. 2 years.

So after the acting part, we went on to the singing. Which of course, is my forte. just like 2 years ago in the musical, my character came out more from my song than my words. Haha. So they chose for me “Can you feel the love tonight”, which was actually the song i prepared because of several reasons.
1) Emotions can come out more easily than “A whole new world”
2) THe song has space to breathe melody into the accapella.
3) My voice can carry it.

So. It went quite well, i dare say.
They stopped me halfway through the chorus and sis Cherie said that since they know my range and pitch of voice and all, now they wanted to see me sing and act. So she asked me to sing the chorus like im singing to somebody im in love with. And i did. I looked at a spot and i did it like there really was someone there. I held the paper and imagined i was holding his hands because thats what i woudl have done if i was singing a love song as such. haha

After that, they asked me a few questions and all, and i answered them from my heart.

After that, it was over.

I went back to the holding room and was getting ready to leave when i was called back to the auditioning room. haha. They realised they forgot to ask me to act the sad part. It was a little harder to get into character since i was feeling quite happening. But i tried my best and i really did feel the emotion going through at some point. Haha. Ah well.

But i feel good about it.
But i dont expect anything.
Whatever the outcome, it goes to God because really, it has almost nothing to do with me. If God has called me to serve in this relatively new area, let me serve to the best of my ability. Thats what i really want. Its just like worship- Not a competition. So what if you have a bigger role? It doesnt make you any better than someone else.

Awesomes.
Totally awesomes.
If it was me a few months or years back, itde mean everything to get somewhere.
But now, after all ive been through. I know its not about me. Its about God.
The ultimate limelight.. Belongs to God.

Anyway.
After the audition, i went to my dad’s office to look for him.
THE NEW OFFICE IS SO COOL!
But my dad’s table and space is alot smaller. Haha
How sad.
As usual, i went to disturb the peeps in the office. Haha.
Its so interesting! The districts are like grouped tgt so you have pastors in the same district sitting in one vincincy and all. haha. quite cool. And the walls/boards are like, RED! lOL! Its really quite cool.
Being in the office is really quite fun and amusing. Haha.

After awhile of tlaking to my dad and peeps around the office, i went with sis Cherie to discuss the iwcp details and after that helped her to plan the xmas drama. haha. Quite fun and interesting. Really good idea we came up with. Cant wait to see it come to life! Then we went to tell pastor Gary the plan and he asked me “You in drama meh?” Then i was like “No” Hahaa. Ah well.

Then i had to wait for dad sommore cos he was counselling someone. So i sat in a corner close to the IGNYTE pastors area and started thinking of ideas for my grp’s nametag. SInce im the GL this year, its my job (finally!) to do the nametags. haha. no complaints except… MY AGL’S NOT HERE!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! but ah well. Retribution. Haha. Since last year i wasnt there for my GL, this year my AGL’s not here for me. Ah well. SO. Anyway. While i was drawing and scribblign and all, Pgary and I small talked once in awhile. And just before he and Bro Andy left, Bro Andy came to talk to me and what he told me really blessed and moved me.

He told me that he felt that during this camp, i would have a breakthrough in my leadership and he wanted me to talk tp him about it. He wanted me to talk to him about anyhting or any change i felt i experienced while leading my group and he said that he’d like to talk bout it more with me after camp. It really touched me to know how much he cares. And he taught me about winnign ppl over because im very warring in nature. He was kind of warning me not to let my garrang warring spirit get overboard and become demanding. Hence losing the respect of my ppl. Its ok to push during games, but during sharing, to be warm and inspiring and learn to win them over to my side, so it will be easier to lead my group and easier to get my words to actions in my group. Really inspiring words and it really encouraged me.

After awhile, daddy came back. and we went home soon after.

Then ate dinner, and walked over to Thomson plaza. really missed Whyogurt’s icecream! So i bought a cone. Haha. Then went to check out some stuff at Thomson plaza. And went back home. Watched some TV and checked my mail and here i am. Blogging. HAha.

Ah well.
Tmr im gonna do the camp stuff.
Julian and Eugene are coming over with their AGLs.
So we’re all gonna be working tgt. FUN!

Hey yall
Its been a really long time since i last blogged. (not including the day before.)

Its been a loooong week.
And my blog readings increased to 40.
Which is… WOW. lol
So, welcome! And may you be blessed

So anyway.
Its been a LOONG week.
Tiring traiings…
Chalet…
Church…
Many amazing things have been hapening.

Chalet.
Chalet was awesomely fun esp spending time with my classmates.
I started out very tired cos i was still quite sick  and the journey + walking with amy and ivyna really wore me out. So i went to sleep instead of playing cards with the rest.
When i woke up, the bbq was already being started and ppl started coming in and out of the room. I was already feeling better so i got up. Then a few girls came into the room and we started to play card games. It was so so so fun man! lol. The group kept getting bigger as more ppl came in. Haha.
Then we went down for th ebbq. The food was not bad but the company was great. Haha. The girls sat in a circle and chatted away until the teachers came. Then the fun level went a notch higher. lol. seriously. It was SO FUN! putting tobacco sauce in their drinks and all. lol. Mr Sim and Mr tan bought us chips and sushi and drinks! Awesomios!

Then at 9pm, Sarah and I ran (literally) into the chalet and sat infront of the TV to watch the aids show. haha. Then as time went on, more and more ppl joined us and it ended up a big group of us watching the show. hahaha.

After that, at about 11pm, after the teachers went off, we cleard up the place. Then the guys went up to the room to play, and the girls stayed downstairs, where Jumana and June insisted they wanted to dance. So, we did. Infact, they did in the beginning. Hahaha. Jumana and June started playing music and dancing while the rest of us sat on the floor and watched, not knowing what to do, and feeling very awkward and self-concious. After much persuasion by June and Jumana, we started dancing. All of us.

I’ll have to update more later. BUt for personal reference: Strong, Firm, No nonsence, Christian.

Ok.
Im off to the airport soon
Going to china for holiday.
CIAO!

I miss you.
And you.
And you.
And you.

I really miss everything.